Thursday, March 1, 2012

Can I have a shoulder on which to sob?

After her piano lesson today, Kara said something that struck me, because it was the exact same thing I said when I was her age after my piano lessons: she sighed and said, "I wish I could take violin."

Isn't that so reflective of human nature? We have piano lessons, but we want violin lessons. Why? Is it any easier? Any more fun? Just different?

I compare myself to people. All. The. Time. I see someone with "in" clothes, and then I think of how pretty much every article of clothing that I own is either hand-me-down or Salvation Army. I see someone who is a grade 7 pianist and I think of how I'll be testing this spring for grade 4. I see someone who is brilliant and talented and skipping grades and taking all honors classes and think of how I struggle with just the average stuff and average grades and average assignments.

Today was a really bad week. Not necessarily anyone else's fault but my own. Not even super huge catastrophes, but little ones that just stack up. The kid I babysit asked me a question about the Civil War because she was studying for a test in school and I gave her an answer. I thought my answer and explanation were brilliant, and then later in the day I realized I completely botched it. I've spent the next couple days wishing I wasn't such an idiot.

So, with all my own stupidity rising in my face, I ask myself: "When will I be content? When will I learn to know that my life, with all its flaws, is mine and I can't ever have anyone else's?"

It's so easy to look on our own pianos and wish we had violins.

I guess we won't be really content until we get to heaven. And seeing as heaven will last a lot longer than earth, I'll give myself an energy boost by looking forward.

2 comments:

Unknown said...

that was a good post! : ) I have those days too.

~*Chantelle*~

Anonymous said...

Hey! I love your blog. It's fun to read! :) I know how you feel about struggling with average stuff and average grades, and average assignments! I feel your pain. But life would not be as interesting if we didn't have any struggles!